Individual Love Resource Rating Scale — Self-Report

The EFLRI (Relationship Resources Rating Scale) assesses the resources a person brings to a romantic relationship. Its 14 questions cover 11 dimensions: appearance, physique, sexual health and orientation, physical health, personality appeal, mental health, responsibility, general and everyday life skills, professional or career achievement and prospects, income, and family circumstances. Items are rated from 1 to 7, for a total of 14–98. A self-report version assesses your own resources; a partner-rating version assesses a partner or potential partner. Comparing the two can help you understand how your resources align.

Items use seven ratings: 1 = not at all true, 2 = very untrue, 3 = untrue, 4 = unsure, 5 = true, 6 = very true, and 7 = completely true. Items 5 and 14 are reverse-scored. Single-item dimensions, such as appearance and physique, use that item's 1–7 score. Sexual health (three items) and ability (two items) use the mean. The total sums all items, ranging from 14 to 98. Using male norms (mean 63.4 ± 7.8), totals above 71 are excellent (more than one standard deviation above average), 63–71 good, 56–63 average, 48–56 somewhat low, and below 48 low. Dimension scores more than 0.5 above the norm are good, within ±0.5 average, and more than 0.5 below warrant attention. Self-report and partner-rating totals differing by under 10 points suggest a good match, 10–20 some difference, and over 20 a large difference. Norms differ by gender: the male mean is 63.4 and the female mean 59.6. Self-reports may be biased, so consider partner ratings too. Resources are only one part of relationship success; emotional investment and how you relate also matter.

The self-report assesses your own resources; the partner-rating version assesses a partner or potential partner. They contain the same items, with only the subject changing from yourself to the other person. Self-report reflects self-perception; partner ratings reflect how someone else sees you. Use self-report to identify strengths and areas for growth, or the partner-rating version to understand a partner's strengths. Couples can each complete both versions, giving four results: A's self-report, A's rating of B, B's self-report, and B's rating of A. Compare self-ratings and partner ratings to explore differences in perception, and compare both partners' totals and dimensions to assess resource alignment. The assessment can inform decisions early in a relationship and can be repeated periodically to track changes in resources and the relationship.

Social exchange theory suggests people tend to choose partners with similar resources to support fairness and stability. Research finds that closer resource matches are generally associated with greater satisfaction and stability. Large differences can create power imbalances or feelings of inferiority or superiority. Yet a mismatch does not guarantee failure. Strengths can complement each other—for example, higher income alongside strong emotional support. Love, respect, and commitment can bridge differences. Resources can change as partners grow, and shared values and life goals matter more than a close resource match. Give emotional connection and everyday relationship quality equal attention. Where differences are large, communicate openly and build equality and respect. Focus on resources you can develop, such as skills, career, and personality, rather than fixed circumstances such as family background. Avoid reducing a partner to a collection of resources: relationships center on emotional connection, understanding, support, and shared growth.

Some resources are easier to change than others. Highly changeable areas include skills (learn professional and everyday skills), career or education (plan ahead and improve performance), income (develop skills and career opportunities), physique (exercise and manage diet), physical health (regular sleep, healthy eating, and exercise), mental health (emotional regulation and counseling when needed), and personality (develop patience, humor, and empathy while addressing unhelpful habits). Moderately changeable areas include appearance (skin care, hair, and clothing), responsibility (follow through and become reliable), and sexual health (healthy attitudes and behavior). Family background is less changeable, though your own efforts can improve living conditions. Start with an EFLRI self-report and identify your two or three lowest dimensions. Set specific, achievable goals, such as learning a skill within three months. Make time each week, record progress, and reassess after 3–6 months. Aim for balanced growth. The goal is personal development and a suitable relationship, rather than proving you are good enough for someone.

Consider help if your self-report total is very low (under 50), several dimensions are low, and confidence is seriously affected; self-report and partner-rating totals differ by more than 30 points, suggesting a large perception gap; mental or sexual health scores are below 3, possibly indicating psychological difficulties or sexual dysfunction; resource concerns cause severe inferiority, anxiety, or depressed mood; differences create serious power imbalances or conflict; you focus excessively on resources and neglect emotional connection; appearance or physique concerns cause severe body-image difficulties; or you struggle to accept circumstances such as family background, affecting self-esteem and relationships. Counseling can support realistic self-understanding, acceptance of strengths and limitations, management of anxiety or inferiority, equality and respect, treatment of difficulties such as social anxiety or depression, personal growth plans, and healthier interactions across differences. The EFLRI is an assessment tool, not a professional diagnosis, and resources are not the sole basis of relationship success. If results trigger serious distress or relationship difficulties persistently affect life, contact a counselor or marriage and family therapist. Seeking help is a constructive response to difficulties.